So I went to my source of all knowledge, Google, and ran a search for “doubting God sin”, and sure enough Google answered me and said…SINNER! Yup, according to the prevailing wisdom scoured from the web and transported to my computer via Google doubting God is a sin. Of course this is based on the first couple of links I scanned through as I tried to fight off a mid-afternoon food coma, so maybe I got my facts wrong, but I have to go with my gut on this one, I am pretty sure it’s not good to doubt God, I mean bad things can come of it…just ask Uzzah…who by the way is totally dead because from my reading of the Bible he doubted God and he got smote (excuse the poor English here), 2 Samuel 6: 1 – 10, and also it is hard to ask 3020 year old people much of anything….!
Maybe my interpretation of why God channeled Zeus (mixing deities, another sin for sure) and threw a lightening bolt Uzzah’s way, when Uzzah was only trying to do something anyone of us probably would have done in his position, is wrong. I seem to remember a sermon saying that it was not doubt of God that had Uzzah reaching out to steady the Ark, but disobedience. He did not obey when God was like “MINE, MINE! HANDS OFF!” with the Ark of the Covenant. But sometimes it’s hard not to wonder, did Uzzah get rubbed out because of a reflex?! Maybe he was like most of us when we are browsing the Internet and we just automatically do certain things. For example, we know we don’t want to go to a certain link, but we just cruise our mouse over to the link and before we know it we are leaving behind the page we were watching a video clip on or typing an e-mail on, and no amount of “x-ing” to get your computer to stop of back buttoning can get you out of going to the link at that point, you basically just effed it up. Maybe that was what happened to Uzzah. Maybe next thing he knows he will be waking up to be judged and thinking…WTF…it was a REACTION…who do I complain to about this?!
Of course my current train of thought is that it wasn’t a reflex or disobedience, maybe it was just doubt. Maybe Uzzah just doubted God, and really I can’t say that I blame the guy. Sometimes if we are all honest it is hard not to doubt God. Sin it might be, but reality it is. Sometimes when not ONE thing is going your way it hard to think “God works in mysterious ways” and just go on your happy way. In church on Saturday the pastor was talking about some book this lady wrote about her relationship with God. She basically examines her relationship with God in terms of a marriage. According to her measure if she and God were married, they would need to be in marriage counseling, except God wouldn’t show up for the sessions. Well I am going to one up her; I want my relationship with God to be like the relationship I have with Google. Except none of those wishy washy Google results where you type in shoes and get a link to every pair of shoes made in the last 100 years. I want God Google to be like a Google search where you type in shoes and the exact shoes you had in mind show up, in the exact color, in your size, with free overnight shipping, and cost $5.00.
Maybe this is a crisis of faith, I don’t think so, but maybe it is. Maybe it is me wondering what the hello happened that right now I just feel like saying, “eli, eli lama sabacthani!”, or very possibly I need to be on meds…uppers, clearly…! Maybe I am being dramatic and in the scheme of things, I have nothing really to complain about. But mired in a mood and thinking about stuff going on in my life…I HAVE DOUBTS. So really I want someone up in heaven to implement my God Google idea. I am person that values plain speaking and apparently God is more Army, DIY, Bad Google search, Shakespeare. God and I, we are speaking different languages…and thinking about those old stand bys of David and Goliath, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and Job isn’t doing anything to help me. So right now, at this moment, if God and I were in marriage counseling and Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, I need to learn Martian, but it seems like no one else knows Martian either.
In the end, I am sure this feeling will pass, but it’s just been one of those days/weeks/months so far and my Martian lessons aren’t going well, I am mispronouncing every word…basically I am just trying to get out of this without an F.