Returning a Chalupa in 3 Easy Steps

An Old Blog…but one that I love…:)

Nothing freaks me out more than assembling furniture from IKEA. Why?! Forget that you are putting together your dining table, step stool, or bookcase with the tool equivalent of toothpick, but once you assemble furniture from IKEA you’re stuck with it…no take backs! There is an art to shopping, and an art to returning. Shopping without the ability to return is just against God and nature as far as I am concerned. Shopping without returning is the bastard child resulting from the unholy union of cheap ass retailers and crappy manufacturers. These horrible money mongers gather together to figure out how they can foist substandard products onto unsuspecting consumers by manufacturing crappy goods and selling it to us with no return policy.

Everything should come with a return policy. Committing to anything without the ability to return is just nothing something I can get behind. Maybe I have commitment issues, but I just cannot bring myself to buy something without being able to take it back and say, with pride, “I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT EVERYTHING”! As far as I am concerned you should be able to return houses within 30 days of purchase if you have your original sales receipt.

Unfortunately, the ability to return and exercising that freedom are completely independent of each other. There is just something uncomfortable about returning things. One misplaced receipt or one return policy misinterpreted and you have a debacle on your hands. Well today I took it to another level. I returned a Chalupa.

The Chalupa in question was from a KFC/Taco Bell; I trusted a place where they sell everything from burritos to greasy fried chicken to smoothies out of a drive-thru window to get my weird order correct. It was a disaster waiting to happen. After ordering my Chalupa supreme substituting the meat with beans and no tomatoes, no not because of some misguided attempt to make my Chalupa even more unhealthy than it already was, but because haven’t you noticed the tomatoes at Taco Bell are really weird, I like to think of them as “faux tomatoes”. I was off to work Chalupa in bag preparing to eat my lunch while enjoying the great outdoors as soon through a windown while enjoying the air conditioning offered by the great indoors.

Grabbing some water, spreading out my lunch and preparing to chow down I peeled open the cheapie paper protecting my lovely little Chalupa when I was greeted with what strangely looked like meat…not beans. I was livid. Here I was with my lunch and the knotheads had given me a beef Chalupa. I was tired of being screwed by the drive-thru powers that be, that damn Chalupa was going back! I was returning a $1.59 Chalupa to a fast food restaurant, and yes I SAVED THE F%)(*ING receipt.

Rewrapping the offending concoction of beef, lettuce, and some sort of shell in the cheapie paper I threw it back in the bag where it would stay until 5:45 when the Chalupa was making a return trip to KFC/Taco Bell.

Between 12:30 and 5:30, I kept thinking about my wrecked lunch. This stupid $1.59 Chalupa was going to cost me $4.00 in gas, but it was the principle. I wanted what I ordered even if I was going to get it 5 hours later and when I really had no desire for it, I was getting the Chalupa with beans instead of meat and no tomatoes…I was not being snookered! I thought about how ludicrous this was going to be while I shuffled through papers and distractedly responded to e-mails. What was I going to say to high school students working part time for spending money when I took back a 5 hour old Chalupa?! They were going to look at me like I was crazy, they were going to talk about me after I left, I was going to be known as the crazy Chalupa returning lady…then the doubts started plaguing me, they were really busy, should I return a Chalupa?! I mean I really didn’t even want a replacement Chalupa at this point, I was Chalupa’d out! I had spent hours already fuming about this Chalupa mishap and now I had to carve time out before I headed to the quiet ridiculous heat of my apartment to return a Chalupa.

As 5:30 rolled around I had it all planned out, I hopped into my car, drove to the KFC/Taco Bell that was like a ghost town before the dinner rush, and got into the short drive-thru line. Instead of trying to explain my dilemma through the drive thru window I simply ordered a new Chalupa substitute the meat with beans and no tomatoes. At the second drive-thru window when asked for the money I handed over my receipt for the old Chalupa and the bag with the old Chalupa and explained the problem. My every concern was fulfilled they looked at me like I was nuts in the head. I had come back with a faulty Chalupa. Calling over the shift manager, aka a high school junior, the cashier explained the problem, I now had a second person looking at me like I was nuts in the head for returning a Chalupa. After carefully explaining to me that Chalupas did come with meat and I asked for a special order the manager paused for my reaction. The Chalupa return was getting complicated.

Ten minutes later I drove off with a fresh Chalupa, 5 hours later I threw out the Chalupa. Today will go down in the annals of my mind as the day I wasted 1 gallon of gas that cost $4.39 to return a $1.59 Chalupa. Way to keep my eye on the big picture. No one ever said there wasn’t a cost to returning something.


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