Archive for January, 2011

VIVA WILBUR!!!!

Somehow over the course of my life, even though I was a frequent visitor to White Oak Library on New Hampshire Ave., I somehow missed reading one of the most widely read kid’s book out there…Charlotte’s Web. I slipped through the cracks of the educational system. I AM A STATISTIC! I AM STATISTIC!!! Just another example of the failure of the American educational system, PBS, The Reading Rainbow, and yes even Geordi La Forge, aka LeVar Burton. I mean what kid, who loves reading, hasn’t read Charlotte’s Web for heaven’s sake?!

Long story made even longer by my commentary on the story, I am now reading Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White. According to the little forward in the book E.B. White wrote the story to entertain himself, but I don’t know if this is Disney “Bambi” type entertainment like where Bambi’s mom is shot by the hunter or Disney “Lion King” type entertainment where Mustafa is killed by Scar (apparently I have issues with Disney animators killing off/not continuing to draw beloved cartoon characters, talk about “rubbing” someone out, ha!). So here I am reading the adventures of this little Wilbur pig and I am TERRIFIED that Wilbur is going to die! I don’t want Wilbur to die! NOT WILBUR!!! SAVE WILBUR!!!!!!

I am pretty certain that Charlotte isn’t going to make it much longer, she is already talking about how she is tired and feeling like she is at the end of her life, etc. But I think I can handle Charlotte’s death, because she is leaving behind 514 eggs, but Wilbur?! I will be heartbroken. It’s like I read Wilbur and my mind thinks “Babe” whose mom was herded off to the slaughterhouse and poor Babe thought she was going off to pig heaven which was so glorious and amazing no pig ever came back.

Why I have this strange porcine sympathy, and I sweated bullets over the fate of Babe and I am now worried that E.B. White wanted to teach kids some sort of life lesson by killing off Wilbur like those monsters at Disney surely would have done I don’t know. But VIVA WILBUR!!!!

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Of Octopi & Mussels

I recently got a KitchenAid mixer, and thank you American Express Publishing for sending me a complimentary subscription to the world’s most boring, to me, magazine, Food & Wine. The magazine is full of helpful recipes rife with creepy crawly things I will not eat. But what struck me as I paged through the magazine looking at pastural food growth and processing images that haven’t been the reality of the food manufacturing since “Old McDonald” had his farm and McDonalds’ didn’t control farms was my inability to take the magazine seriously.

So on a day at work that has been as boring as it has been long, thank you Food & Wine magazine, and editor Dana Cowin, for giving me a laugh. I really appreciated the recipe using “Sustainable Seafood” on page 28 followed up by the recipe for Grilled Baby Octopus with Roasted Peppers and Potatoes on page 107. Food & Wine magazine you are the celebrity who flies around on a private jet and then talks about minimizing your carbon footprint of the publishing world. Cheers!

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My “He’s Just Not That Into You” Hair Moment

Being a SATC devotee even now, years after the show went off the air, I love the episodes more than the first time I watched them, I feel like I just get them more now that I am sadly older. Like a whole bunch of other devotees out there one of my favorite episodes is the “He’s Just Not That Into You” episode. For those of you who don’t know the episode, this is the episode where Carrie’s man, Berger, tells Miranda that the guy who Miranda went out on a date with the previous night who didn’t go up to her apartment for a little wink, wink after dinner was “just not that into her”. Berger went onto explain if a guy was really into a women he would go up regardless of an early morning the next day or meetings, etc. Naturally an uproar ensued all the girls tried to soothe what they thought would be Miranda’s hurt feelings over this piece of blatant honesty from Berger. But instead of being hurt by Berger’s pronouncement Miranda felt free. Free not to obsess about when her date would call, why he didn’t call, what he meant when he did call. Miranda was free realizing he wouldn’t call and when he did he would be saying they wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore.

Of course this piece of wisdom, this inherent inability in women to realize when a guy is “just not that into you” spawned a book, and then a talk show for the staff writer who first uttered the phrase…basically it became a phenomenon. So basically the blatant, non-sugar coated, the honest truth became a phenomenon. After years of reading articles and books with titles “7 Signs He’s Really Into You” and “Decoding Your Crush’s Behavior” the truth of “he’s just not that into” seemed harsh, even when it was said to a fictional person! But I guess that sometimes that reality check is what we need, not just with potential dates, but with everything in life in which we delude ourselves into believing things can actually workout the way it does in our fantasies. I mean not to be a totally downer, but I think it is nice when books, and magazines, and online articles occasionally tell us the truth like “give it up, he doesn’t like you” or “he might be trying to better deal you”…harsh, but sometimes I guess the truth hurts. I learned about this harsh reality first hand when I was recently reading an article about hair.

I am a sucker for shallow, poorly written articles on how to achieve the perfect hair, makeup, etc. There is something about them that calls to me, with the pictures, and promises of perfection in 5 minutes or less that just makes me want to click, read, and experiment. Inevitably I will run out and buy the recommended perfect navy blue eyeliner, or the eye shadow blender brush #8, or Moroccan Oil with Argan oil which is supposed to make my hair like totally perfect. After racing to the store and then racing home after work, and messing up my hair shampooing schedule or just reapplying my makeup for no apparent reason at 10:00 on a Wednesday night I realize the promised miracle product and problem solver is just a big fake! It doesn’t solve all my makeup dilemmas or make my hair shiny and bouncy. So I add the new product to my overflowing makeup drawer or stash it away with hairsprays that don’t spray anymore and mousses that don’t foam and re-start my search for the next new cure all.
This vicious cycle which has lead me to become a Sephora VIB, a person who has spent $500 or more in one year at Sephora (I need to seek help), and has made me susceptible to buying all sorts of potions, and tonics, and conditioning aids from a myriad of overpriced companies. I was a dupe! Well I was, at least until a couple of weeks ago when I was reading an article whose author apparently channeled the “he’s just not that into you” wisdom, she was blunt and honest, and the truth stung a little. The author laid it out like no other author had in a DIY hair article, “stop trying to replicate the blowout you get when your stylist does your hair, it’s not going to happen. Your stylist went to school to learn how to blow dry and style your hair that way, they also do it numerous times a day, let it go…you can’t do it…!”

What?!!! This is hair blasphemy, was all I could think! I know I can replicate it, I KNOW I CAN, my mind, pocketbook, and overly full bathroom cabinets screamed! I bought the ceramic flat iron, the special boar bristle hair brush, the non-Goody hair tools, the hairspray that cost $23.95 and doesn’t fit under the bathroom sink due to its ridiculous height, I even bought the X-rated, looks like a dildo, tube of hair de-frizzer/shine…I CAN make my hair look like my hair stylist does was all that was going through my mind all while a little voice told me the author of this article had just told me the unvarnished truth. And then, like Miranda from SATC who heard “he’s just not that into” and realized that was exactly what she needed to hear, the truth of the “forget trying to replicate it” sunk in and I felt a little bit more at peace about my hair. I mean yeah, I still hate that I can’t get Texas big hair the way my stylist can in 10 minutes with only a brush and hairdryer, and it still bothers me that my wavy hair can’t just calm itself and be straight…but I am not a hairstylist, and I am happy that I am not.

No doubt I will still fall for the occasional “get hair like this model” in 5 minutes using these 10 products that cost $15 – $300 each, but from here out, I think I am going to look for the Herbal Essences $3.25 substitute.

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