Archive for November, 2011

Keurig Grove Square Hot Chocolate K-Cups, No Bueno!

I am a sucker for a deal, and these Grove Square Hot Chocolate K-Cups were for sale, so I bought a pack of two.  Today, I popped one K-Cup into the Keurig brewer, a few seconds later I had my hot chocolate all ready to go.  To make it extra delicious I added some milk.  Hot chocolate…cold weather…match made in heaven!  One sip later and what I tasted seemed like a match made in a chemistry lab! 

These Grove Square K-Cups are NASTY!  The pure yuckyness of them cannot be fully captured in this blog.  The most horrifying part was that overall they have pretty decent Amazon.com reviews!  There was this overpowering sweet taste which I think was from the sucralose used in the K-Cups.  They were just mind blowingly bad.  Never one to quit before something becomes a more expensive bigger mess I added more milk in a vain hope that would fix something.  WRONG.  Then I threw a good beverage after a bad one, I mixed in some French Vanilla brewed coffee, hoping this would help the situation, it did not!  The coffee was now tainted by the oversweet chocolate grossness in my cup.  Now there was more than twice the original amount of the stuff in my cup, and it was still way too sweet.

At this point I have French vanilla coffee, Grove Square Hot Chocolate (the offender), and milk in my cup.  Obviously ice was the next additive, five cubes of ice that quickly melted were stirred in.  It was like wine tasting, sip, SPIT!!!  SPIT.  There really was no fixing that stuff and to make matters worse I was worried it was so evil it would take on a life of its own and start multiplying by itself! 

Now, almost 8 hours after I first tasted the Little K-Cup of Horrors, I have had dinner, a snack, multiple cups of water, I have brushed my teeth and still feel like the taste is in my mouth!  Is that normal?!  I feel like my taste buds have been tainted!  Keurig, stop licensing out your K-Cup name willy nilly, these people need to have their hot chocolates pass taste tests!  Down with K-Cup hot chocolates that spit on the good name of hot liquid chocolate!

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What are you thankful for this year?

The Holidays are almost upon us, or if you are a retailer, the Holidays, that special time of the year that makes or breaks you financially is half over. Either way we are about to get hit with a barrage of sentimentality driven marketing in order to get us to part with holiday dollars, and also prepare yourself to spend 20 minutes at checkout in Target because some needs a price check. I love the Holidays, I really do. I just wish that the creep of the Holidays into my birthday celebrations at the beginning of November would stop. I think half of what makes the Holidays special is the fact that they aren’t here for so long. The other half of what makes the Holidays special is the pretending.

During the Holidays we seem more okay with the effort involved in pretending. We don’t mind pretending we are okay with the tacky decorations our neighbor put up, we are okay with pretending we are more patient with the overworked cashier at the store than we really are, or that we are okay with the traffic jam caused because the mall exit is so flooded the cars the entire slow lane is blocked for 1 mile. The pretending is part of the specialness of the Holidays, so what I hate, what I really FUCKING hate is when I end up stuck at these big friends and extended family gatherings where you have to answer the infernal question of “What are you thankful for this year?!” Can’t we just pretend we are all thankful for something?!

OMG. I know it makes me seem like a bitch, that I don’t like that question, but I HATE IT. It is an intrusive question! Not that I am not thankful for things, I am thankful for a lot of things. I really just don’t like sharing my thoughts on stuff that is personal to me. If I wanted to over share my feelings and emotions, and yes, I consider that over sharing, I would post it on Facebook like most over sharers do. My “what I am so thankful for” would be sitting there right in between someone’s overly detailed update of how the are progressing through labor/delivery and another’s Technicolor description of how drunk they were and what the evidence of the drunkenness looked like. When asked that question while sitting around a table there is this feeling of my throat closing, and then panic sets in, and finally random trivia squeezes out every coherent thought in my head. Worst of the worst is no matter how much you have rehearsed your answer there is inevitably someone in the group that spent their vacation time feeding kids in an orphanage in a developing nation. I don’t have anything to say that is even close to that. Somehow the non-personal answer of “I am really glad Nordy’s had those boots in my size for 50% off” would just make people stare at me longer with a look of “no really, what are you really thankful for?” So sometimes, I just end up lying. Yeah I said it, I LIE during the “what are you thankful for” portion of the Holiday activities!

As I was pre-planning my answer to that question last week, I came up with my dream answer, now if only I could man up and say it, I would be golden! My answer combines my love of quoting TV/movies with my love of randomness. When asked “…and what are you thankful for this year?” I will yell, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!” before storming off.

Question answered, problem solved!

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The Basic How-To YouTube Makeup Video Script…!

Makeup videos on YouTube are one of my guilty little pleasures. It gives me such a kick to watch those from the truly great to the truly cringe worthy. Plus a number of YouTube posters give better, more accurate advice than the so-called experts at the makeup counters! But I have to say by far and away the bestest how to video posts are those that are pretenders to the “everyday look” throne, because they are anything but an everyday look. They are a glut of products, tools, and money!

The first time I ever heard of the Coastal Scents 88 color eye shadow collection was on a YouTube video, where it seemed like at least one quarter of these colors were used to achieve an everyday look. But now after watching a couple of videos I have seen this infamous 88 color eye shadow collection a number of times along with a ton of other products use to create the perfect everyday look. Between cosmetic companies and other woman telling us to buy enough makeup products to stock a CVS no wonder financial health is taking a back burner! I am a gal that LOVES makeup, but holy crap this is getting crazy!

Here is my sarcastic version of the typical script for an “everyday” makeup look you would see on YouTube (to help you keep track of the number of products featured I am going to go ahead and number them as they are used):

Hi everyone, I’m KBirdy and today we are going to do an everyday makeup look! I have gotten a ton of requests on this, so I just wanted to post something really quick so you guys can see what I use! So let’s get started!

Always start with clean and moisturized skin! I am going to start with Smashbox’s Photo Finish face Primer (Product #1, $36 for 1 oz). The facial primer helps your foundation apply smoothly, and keep it from settling into the lines and wrinkles in your skin. In order to make all of this mind spinning information seem more complicated I am going to use a foundation brush, instead of my fingers to apply the product (Product #2, $25, Sephora Brand).

So I am going to now start with my foundation (Product #3, $40 Sephora MUFE), I like to concentrate on my problem areas, I use a foundation brush to apply my foundation so I get that perfect coverage. Of course you cannot use the same foundation brush you just used for your Primer, you have to use a different foundation brush (Product #4, $25, Sephora Brand). Once I have achieved good coverage I move onto concealer.

It is important to get a good concealer to hide the dark spots (Product #5, $14, Sephora Brand) and of course to apply the concealer just right you need a concealer brush (Product #6, $14). If you are like me, sleep is hard to come by and I have undereye circles from all those sleepless nights, and we cannot use the same concealer for more than one problem. To cover my raccoon eyes I have Bobbi Brown’s concealer kit (Product #7, $32). This handy kit comes with a pressed powder to set the concealer that applies like a dream with Bobbi Brown’s concealer brush (Product #8, $22).

Once you have evened out your complexion I like to set everything with a translucent face powder, I like Lorac’s translucent face powder for that airbrushed finish (Product #9, $28). You just dust this powder onto your face and it just helps hold everything and keep it fresh, use a fluffy face brush (Product #10, $19, Sephora Brand). Now that we have set this look, let’s start putting some color on your face!

I like to keep my makeup simple for an everyday look so I just put on some eyeshadow, eyeliner, a couple swipes of mascara and some lip gloss, blush, highlighter, and I am out the door!

I start out with Urban Decay’s Eyeshadow primer potion (Product #11, $19) and smooth that on my eyelids and let it dry for a second or two! You don’t need a brush for this; just make sure you cover your whole eyelid, right up until you are under your eyebrow. Because this is an everyday look, no need to get too crazy! I just like to put a vanilla shade on the on the inner corner of my eye and under the brow, on the brow bone. I picked up Lorac’s Shimmer and Matte shadow collection (Product #12, $36) because it has six great basic shades that all of us could use! The easiest way to get the shadow just perfect under the brow and in the inner corner is using a fine tipped crease brush (Product #13, $20). I put a medium toned color on my eyelid up to the crease using a dense shadow brush (Product #14, $18), and then a darker toned color from the Lorac shadow palette into my crease using a crease brush (Product #15, $20). Then I blend from the crease up to the brow bone using another clean crease brush (Product #16, $20) to avoid adding any of the darker crease color to the light beige color that we are using to buff out and blend the shadow up to the brow.

Using a dark brown liner (Product #17, $6) I like Milani’s Liquif’eye I draw a quick line, wing it out a little at the corner and move onto my brush. If this ordeal hasn’t already frazzled your nerves on a Wednesday morning, just wait there is more! I use Lancome’s Star Bronzer because it is so neat and easy! The bronzer is loose and already filled into a tube with a brush on the end, so you just push the little button on the back of the canister it releases some bronzer into the bristles and you are ready to go (Product #18, $33)! I highlight lightly down the bridge of my nose, and from my temple under my cheekbone, and lightly across my chin. To give me a little bit of a color to my cheeks I use MAC’s Mocha blush (Product #19, $22) and apply it to the apples of my cheeks.

Now that my face is done I use Loreal’s Great Lash (Product #20, $5) in black to pump up my lashes! I know this is an old school product, but it’s still around for a reason ladies…IT WORKS!

Almost done!  Just lips and we are out the door, I apply Clinique’s Colour Surge Butter Shine Lipstick in Delovely (Product #21, $14.50). This is a great formula it gives you shine and moisture, without giving you that lipstick look! For a little extra gloss I add Illamasqua Sheer Lipgloss in Soul (Product #22, $20) on top of the Clinique Colour Surge and I am out the door!

Okay guys! Seriously, it is so easy once you do it. I mean other than the fact that you are working to buy makeup and products and tools, you are going to love this routine! I don’t even think about it anymore when I do it, it’s just automatic and quick get ready to face the day routine!

Okay see you next time, I will post a great going out look! Bye!!!

This basic look could be yours for the bargain price of $526!!! Throw it on a credit card, long-term financial health means nothing if you look good!

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Whip Cream Is a Slippery Slope

So my birthday came and went this week. Happy birthday to me! For those of you that are wondering (okay, the 1 one you that is wondering) I turned 25 again this year, and it was fabulous! For my birthday I went to Yard House with my family, which was really only okay. I don’t drink, so like 90% of the reason to go to Yard House was out the window. For my second birthday celebration I went to The Cheesecake Factory with a friend.

For the past couple of years I have really been on this kick to eat more healthy whole foods, etc. So for dinner I got the Little House Salad (very healthy) and barely had any dressing on it. I also got the stuffed mushrooms (not so healthy, but my friend ate two and I had 4), plus I only had two small pieces of bread. So I was doing good, right?! Like I hadn’t eaten a lot and I was like, thinking to myself “pat on the back, KB!! Way to be healthy!!” So then my friend, over orderer that they are, ordered TWO pieces of Tiramisu to go, without whip cream, this to me was a travesty, I mean the whip cream there is the good high quality, high fat whip cream that you KNOW doesn’t come out of a can. So I asked her to get the whip cream on the side. So after we walked around the mall and I went home the whip cream was calling to me. So I had just a little bit of the whip cream, and it was delicious!!! I hadn’t had whip cream on a beverage or on a dessert for what seemed like forever, and I couldn’t remember why I started asking for “no whip”. So I had a little bit more. LET ME JUST SAY NOW, WHIP CREAM IS A SLIPPERY FUCKING SLOPE. Five minutes later, it was like I had freebased the whip cream!!! I had eaten all 3 tablespoons of whip cream and I felt like my arteries hurt. It was NO BUENO!!!! I was walking around the house thinking “WHY, KB?! WHY!!!!!!!????!!!!!!” So needless to say all of my healthy eating that evening faced an untimely downfall at the altar of the Cheesecake Factory Whip Cream Gods. It was MUY TERRIBLE.

So even today, the thought of whip cream makes my heart feel unhealthy, and I feel the need to go do something active, to get the remembrance of that post-whip cream over indulgence out of my mind. Needless to say my iced coffee this morning was sans whip cream…YUCK!

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