Archive for category Fashion
So it’s that special time of year, that time when the sun coming out actually indicates warm weather, and not just those teasingly warm winter days that Southern California is known for which are often followed by a 50 degree weather that feels as brutal after the balmy weather of the day before. As great as this change in weather is, it also means a change in wardrobe, which is welcome in the shoe department, and not so welcome in the shirt department.
I am generally a person that avoids t-shirts. I don’t know when exactly this t-shirt avoidance policy started, I just know that when I look through my summer clothes, there aren’t too many t-shirts amongst them. My “wardrobe” if one can call my collection of clothes that look suspiciously like the sales racks of seasons past of Banana Republic and GAP is full of other fun summer tops, but definitely not full of t-shirts. But recently I have ventured away from the no t-shirt rule. Why?! I was seduced by the low prices and fancy designs of two t-shirts I saw on sale. As a result, $11 dollars and the expiration of two return policies later, I was the proud owner of two new t-shirts. Okay, so I am talking like I am a person that doesn’t have or has never really worn a t-shirt before, totally not the case…I have, I just realized somewhere along the way, maybe t-shirts should be on my “What Not To Wear List”.
So this morning, fresh out of bed, and realizing that the it felt like it was going to be a warm day, I decided…this is going to be new t-shirt day! I was brimming with optimism, after all I have been all healthy lately, working out, eating smart, etc. so I don’t look like a moo-moo at my cousin’s upcoming wedding, so I decided to put on one of the new t-shirts. The shirt I chose was a rather blah blue, but the drab blue looks spectacular with a bright orange design silk screened over one half of the t-shirt. Throwing on my clothes I made my way out of the house for the day, confident that I was looking cute in my t-shirt!
First, living in the Inland Empire region of Southern California is not at all like living in funky trendy LA or spendy OC. No, the Inland Empire, The IE, is different…to put it kindly. Lifted trucks, tattoos as far as the eye didn’t want to see, and makeup that makes my club makeup look tame abounds here. I am not saying that I have any particular “style” of note, but at least I can put on makeup and tell the difference between everyday makeup and looking like a MAC counter threw up on me. But you know what, not today, today I was all IE baby.
Thinking I looked rather cute in my t-shirt I walked into my casual workplace and was doing my usual work routine. Wandering around getting a beverage, doing some work, running around with papers…and unconsciously constantly pulling my t-shirt down. I didn’t realize it as of yet, but it was a case of me against the t-shirt! Stupid me didn’t realize how horrific the situation was until I headed out to the store and then to lunch.
Hopping into my car and racing to the store I quickly ran in to pick up a couple of items, and the whole time I was in a tug of war with my stupid t-shirt. The t-shirt wasn’t oversize, but it was in no way tight, and still the stupid thing kept riding up my hips before ending its hasty retreat from the waistband of my jeans once it reached my natural waist. This was a disaster! Here I am trying to walk around the store, quickly, and I am simultaneously trying to hold onto items in my hands, keep my shirt down so I don’t flash anyone with untoned hips, and try to keep my pants from sagging (I forgot my stupid belt). Five minutes of fast walking and items/pants/t-shirt juggling later, I knew I couldn’t make it to the next store without somehow fixing this situation.
Making a pit stop at my car in between stores I pulled out the only jacket I had, a thick winter weather hoody with a fur lined hood. Looking at it with irritation, I slipped my arms into the sun-warmed cotton and started cursing myself for this t-shirt choice. I don’t care what the temperature really was it felt like 95 and here I was wandering around in a fur lined hoodie while other people where in shorts and tank tops. Sweating like a little piglet, holding up my pants to avoid any unsightly pant sagging, the only good thing was this whole situation made me get in and out of that store like The Flash!
Let me tell you nothing makes you work up a sweat like having to get in and out of a car on a warm day wearing a thick, heavy hoodie. Cursing my choice of ordering lunch from a place that didn’t have a drive-thru window I parked and ran into the restaurant. A nice guy behind me called, “let me get the door for you!” How sweet of him I thought, while he was following up the door opening with a questioning look at my attire and a “wow, aren’t you hot in that jacket?!” My inner child that was dying of heat exhaustion and was screaming out to this stranger for help “YES…YESSSS…I am so hot and this bitch is suffocating me…HELP…HELPP…HELLPPP!!!!!” When I finally made it back to work, it felt like bliss to walk into my empty office, take off that stupid hoodie, and wipe the sweat off my forehead.
Unfortunately while I was in the bathroom dabbing away sweat, and debating whether it was worthwhile to fashion a belt mainly using #1 size paperclips, I looked in the mirror. T-shirt disaster numero dos. Somehow I didn’t notice how the cut of the sleeves of this particular t-shirt made my arms look like particularly undelightful. Throwing my arms out to the side, I was horrified, this was not good, not good at all, the t-shirt was obviously getting relegated to the “never wear again except in dire emergency” section of the closet, but my arms were another matter. After working out for months and suffering through two bouts of the flu, I was expecting more of my arms than this horribleness! What a betrayal! My arms are traitors…! I have walked way too many miles and climbed way too many steps and suffered through way too many free weight sessions for my arms to betray me like this! This t-shirt was causing too much strife in my well ordered world. But it wasn’t the biggest culprit in what was turning out to be a miserable day, my hips, and I should add me too, were still the biggest offenders, both my hips and I worked together to start this downward spiral with the once so promising t-shirt.
Let’s be real, I know I have hips. First I am a woman, so that is kinda part of the deal, but hips aren’t user friendly things. But it is sooo irritating when your t-shirt is riding up your back with every step you take, in a damn Target at lunch time. If my hips can’t even keep the stupid t-shirt in place, what good are they for?! To have kids?! Well I don’t have any of those, so that’s not a benefit so far! Seriously that saying “a moment of the lips, a lifetime on the hips” my t-shirt situation was testament to the truth of that statement. Why are hips hard? In the first place we grow up not having them, then we reach puberty and we have them, and then we have to deal with them…the whole while there are t-shirts and jeans out there that are “boy cut”, and as the biggest joke on me ever, I LOVE THAT LOOK. I love the “boy cut” jeans and t-shirts, but apparently they don’t love me back, and I blame my hips for this lack of love! No matter how hard I try, the boyfriend jean and t-shirt look is not for me, and my hips are to blame for this inability to wear the style I want…and look good in it!
Hips are great for resting your hands on, hip checking half closed car doors because you are too lazy to unlock, open, and re-close it, and lowering your center of gravity. But they are terrible at helping keep traitorous t-shirts in constant contact with the waistband of your pants on hot days!
Someone really needs to write a book called, Hips: An Owner’s Manual! …Soon thereafter future New York Times Bestseller, T-Shirts: They’re Not For Everyone, needs to be written!
You know how some people have cleaning projects, or hobby projects, home improvement projects; well in that same way I have shopping projects. On my list of shopping projects is to find a particularly delightful Coach purse that was sold in 2006. It is a beautiful white leather tote with a red suede poppy flower stitched on it. I was obsessed with that purse when it first came out, and I still obsessed with it 5 years later. Unfortunately Coach is not Hermes, other than some moldy oldies, they don’t have the same venerable collection of bags year after year. Instead I am left to scrounge through eBay in the hopes that I will find the purse in brand new condition at a price I am willing to pay. So far, the pickings have been slim to say the least! But, I have learned a lot about the world of eBay and that weird subculture of Coach on eBay. If I were to write an eBay listing for a Coach item and I didn’t care about the outcome of the auction, my listing would go something like the translation portions below:
Beautiful Rare 100% Authentic COACH Legacy Gigi 11131 Whiskey EUC
(Translation: I hope I have used enough eye-catching adjectives and eBay Coach lingo to catch your attention. This purse is as rare as a mass produced purse made in China could be!)
You are bidding on a beautiful Coach Gigi handbag from the Coach Legacy Collection!
(Translation: I hope the ! induces you to bid.)
I fell in love with this purse when I first saw it as part of Coach’s 65th Anniversary, and I had to have it, but soon realized it was a bit too big for me! I only used the purse four or five times, so it is in EXCELLENT condition with no signs of wear to the leather or lining.
(Translation: I got really great use out of this bag, and I am one of those people who doesn’t set their purse down on the floors of gross public washrooms and stuff like that, and I am really persnickety about how my stuff is kept, so I can get away with saying it was used for less than one week! Also “excellent” is subjective, excellent to me for a 5 year old bag may not sync with your idea of “excellent” but that is the beauty of subjectivity.)
This purse was not a style that was made for the factory store; it was sold at the Coach retail store and cost well over $500+ tax. The purse has been stored in a dust bag in a temperature-controlled closet.
(Translation: I might very well have purchased this bag from the Coach Factory Store, but it was not made for the Coach Factory store, do you see the difference? Also, if I had bought it at the Coach retail store when it was full price, I would have easily paid over $500, but in reality I didn’t spend nearly that much money on the purse.
This purse was stored in my closet, in my house. I have air conditioning and heat in my house, and my closet is in my house, so it logically follows that this purse, which was stored in a dust bag in my closet, which is in a temperature controlled house, was stored in “temperature controlled closet”.)
This is the same purse that was carried by Anne Hathaway in the movie Bride Wars!
(Translation: I hope you somehow think you will look like Anne Hathaway if you buy and carry this purse!)
The lining of the purse is the beautiful Coach Stripe, with one zippered pocket and two multifunction open pockets, a d-ring for keys, with dog leash closure.
(Translation: The purse is lined, yay, whoopee, great, who cares. There are three pockets and one d-ring in the purse to help you organize your stuff, chances are you will never use any of these “helpful” pockets, and you will still spend 5 minutes searching for keys and a cell phone that you can hear, but you can’t see under the detritus of old receipts half-empty packs of chewing gum, a wallet the size of a mini-pig, and twelve different shades of lip gloss.)
The dimensions of the purse are approximately 16” x 14” x 3.5”. Please see the pictures below, there are no signs of wear on the purse and the COACH hangtags and pendant are attached.
(Translation: I have included more than 10 pictures of one purse, because I know that someone is going to ask me for a picture of the purse on a pumpkin or something equally weird, so I am doing my best to nip that one in the bud.)
The purse comes from a smoke free, pet free, clean home.
(Translation: I am not stupid enough to post a picture of the purse with my hideous cat like other people do, and I would never admit my house wasn’t clean)
This purse is used; if you are looking for a purse in new condition please do not bid.
(Translation: FYI, EUC stands for excellent used condition. Also in case you missed it the other three times it was mentioned, this purse is not in new condition it has been used, please don’t send me a question asking “is this purse new” or be surprised if you win the auction and a used purse shows up on your doorstep.)
I do not represent Coach in anyway.
(Translation: I think you are an idiot if you believe that I work for Coach or that I am their representative on eBay. I sincerely hope that a multinational company like Coach has a better business plan than eBay auctions for getting rid of stuff that has been sitting around in their closets. Anyway, I don’t really know why this disclaimer is necessary but I have seen other people use it in their listings, so I thought I would add it to mine as well.)
Paypal only, payment is expected within 24 hours of the end of the auction, shipping within the U.S. is $15.95 I only ship USPS Priority Mail, and I will not ship internationally.
(Translation: Seriously, I am not willing to got to the Post Office and wait in line at the post office, and I have a large flat rate Priority Mail shipping box sitting here at home and free carrier pick-up, so you only get one shipping choice, take it or leave it.)
So, there it is…my fantasy eBay listing. If any of you see a listing on eBay that is totally sarcastic, it’s mine…BID…BID!!!!