Archive for category Losing Weight?!
There is a reason I list The Princess Bride as one of my favorite movies, there are sooo many great lines in that movie! A particular favorite of mine is during the scene where Inigo Montoya is trying to convince the Miracle Max to bring the Man in Black back from the dead at a cut rate price. Inigo Montoya convinces Miracle Max to bring the Man in Black back from the “mostly dead” so Prince Humperdinck would suffer “humiliations galore”, as Inigo Montoya puts it, when the Man in Black stops Prince Humperdinck’s wedding to Buttercup. I have been through some humiliating experiences in my life, like the time I fell down the stairs at someone’s house, and spilled food on their white carpet…THREE times in one night. But that was like 10 years ago, I have time and space, and an international border crossing to separate me from that humiliation. Yesterday I got measured for a bridesmaid dress I have to have made for my cousin’s wedding, and the only thought I could think at the end of the process was HUMILIATIONS GALORE.
I had a hula hoop growing up, everyone did. It was probably the only toy my parents bought for me that didn’t come stamped with the Mattel/Barbie seal of approval, and I loved it. Well I loved it until it met its untimely end when I just had to take it apart to see what was making that noise inside of the hula hoop, and of course as anyone who has performed haircuts on dolls and surgery on hula hoops can attest to, things were never the same again. The hula hoop wouldn’t spin right anymore do to the bulky wad of tape I had to loop round and around the surgical points or it would fly apart mid hula. It was a disaster. My wonderful pink with the white stripe hula hoop is currently residing in a landfill somewhere, where it will stay for probably like the next couple thousand years (maybe they should have made wood hula hoops?). Well I never got another hula hoop, I was onto bigger and better toys, until Real Simple sucked me back in.
In the February issue of Real Simple magazine they had this tiny one page (I think) section with all these great ideas for Real Simple readers, one of the great ideas was a hula hoop from Hoopnotica.com. This hula hoop is nothing like my pink with the white stripe hula hoop of yesteryear from Toys “R” Us. No, this hula hoop was like that hula hoop, but with bells and whistles that would have made my previous hula hoop ashamed. The Hoopnotica hula hoop came apart into pieces for easy storage and travelling, and it came with a carrying strap, I mean where I was taking this hula hoop, I have no clue, but, hey who knows, right?! I mean I might take the hula hoop with me everywhere since I could. I was all set to buy the hula hoop, after all it was amazing! It was the answer to all my newly minted hula hooping dreams. But then reality in the way of the hula hoop’s price barged in and stomped all over my hula hooping dreams. The hula hoop cost over $50 including carrying strap and shipping, my previous hula hoop probably cost less than $1.00, granted that was when the sage meaning behind the “Just Say No” campaign was sweeping the nation, but geez, $50?! Talk about inflation.
So trying to be mindful of my dream of retirement one day in the far distant future I started to search for a cheaper hula hoop. There was the Toys “R” Us route, they served my parents well, so I could go that route, except from what I had learned from my online reading all hula hoops are not created equal. I am the same height I was in 4th grade, but not the same width, so I would have to get a hula hoop made for adults, this immediately bumped the price up to $19.99 for the cheapest hula hoop I could find. The next reality was, where does one store an adult size hula hoop? This thing is bigger than I imagined it would be and at the “bargain” price of $19.99 for molded plastic, it didn’t come apart like the $50 Hoopnotica hula hoop. Yes, I would probably lose interest in the hula hoop in like 3 weeks, but in the which meant I really needed this easy storage feature. I didn’t want my hula hoop to be out and about where it could shame me for my disinterest and not using it. I didn’t want a guilt trip from my hula hoop like I get everytime I look down at my keychain and see that scan keycard crap for my gym! I didn’t want to look at a multicolored hula hoop day after day, so I had to up my price a few more dollars and go with a spendier hula hoop. I was pulling a Say Yes To The Dress budget unconscious bride move you know like where the bride comes in to purchase a $1,500 dress and then she wants an overly fussy Pnina Tornai $10,000 gown, except I was doing it with my hula hoop budget.
So I feverishly searched through Amazon.com to find a “sport hula hoop”, yes they call them “sport” hula hoops when they are for adults. Minutes later I found the hula hoop that suits me, hit purchase and two days later thanks to the gods at Amazon Prime there is my hula hoop, newly assembled, sitting on my bedroom floor, five minutes later, I am hula hooping.
Hula hooping by the way is an art. Hula hooping when I was 5 was no big deal just start spin the hoop and swinging your hips around until something starts working and the hula hoop stays up. When you are 5 it didn’t have to look like you had these things called coordination or shame. You just threw your body side-to-side, back and front, and soon something worked out or you gave up flopped onto the floor and started all over again 10 minutes later. Well when you are an adult, and even when no one is looking, it’s a little embarrassing to swing your hips from side to side and back and forth while a giant multi-colored hula hoop uselessly keeps falling to the floor after it loses its momentum from the initial toss. This venture into hula hooping was making my ventures into dancing seem MTV worthy.
Finally 10 minutes later I realized two things, one, hula hooping is hard work, and two the freaking padding on the hula hoop was more than just for show, it was a necessity! Making the hula hoop adult sized, fitting it with little fastener like things so it could be disassembled, and putting padding on it added heft to this hula hoop. My still stilted swaying and uncoordinated hula hooping HURT! Soon my hips got that tingly almost anesthetized feeling from the hula hoop winding around my waist, another 10 minutes later, and I couldn’t take the pain! As I showered I couldn’t help but notice the red marks around my waist, while I though, ‘crap, I am in an abusive relationship with my hula hoop’! Ten hours later at work the belt on my pants had to get loosened because it was rubbing against the bruises on my waist! Is this pain worth the supposed “amazing toning effects of hula hooping”?!
Has anyone, who isn’t a paid spokesperson actually hula hooped and had results?! I have to be in a wedding in May and I am determined that as I prance down the aisle as a bridesmaid for the 5th or 6th (I think I am forgetting someone) time I look muy fabu. As I told the guy at the MAC counter and my hairdresser when they asked me “how do you want to look at this wedding?” I want to look voluntarily single…☺ LOL! ☺