Archive for category Shopping

Doing The “Right” Thing

Yesterday was the first day of the Victoria’s Secret Semi-Annual sale, what does this mean?! That overpriced items are still overpriced, but at half off the previous overpriced price, all that to say bras that no one wants are 50% off. So anyway, the first day of the sale is the best day to go because there is still tons of selection and everything is sorta organized, but then it is the worst day to go too because the store is swamped and you have to wait in line to try stuff on. Plus the fitting room attendant will tell you, as you are standing outside of the fitting rooms that are clearly full because the have big “Occupied” signs hanging on the handles “The rooms are all occupied now, but we will get you in as soon as one opens up.” The fitting room attendant had to let us know that, I guess provisions must be made for the illiterate.

Anyway so there I was, 10 different “fashion color” bras and one nightshirt in hand, walking into a long awaited fitting room when out came a lady that never heard of SPF and in I went. Trying on this and that, nothing that looked good or warranted the 10 minute wait for a fitting room, I was pulling on a snazzy looking sports bra when I noticed something silver hanging from a hook. Upon closer inspection, the bra was definite no, and the silver thing was a definite “oh wow I want that”. Someone had left a COACH bangle in the fitting room…it still had the price tag on the inside. It was mint! It was white and silver and matched my gray linen pants and white shirt to perfection! It was like God was sending me this bracelet to makeup for the long line and the unsatisfactory bras! But at the same time there was a sinking feeling, I had seen the lady that left it in the fitting room, I could give it to the fitting room attendant to give back to her, but I didn’t see that actually happening. I could leave it there and hope she remembered it, I could keep it, or I could take it and go find her in the store and give it back to her. Really…the only option I wanted to do was to take it with me. I really wanted that damn bracelet! I mean she forgot it…it was her fault! I shouldn’t be deprived of a bracelet that I found in the fitting room cause she has a bad memory. Right?!

I finally made up my mind; I was totally stealing the bracelet. Walking out of the fitting room the good angel on my shoulder told me that was totally horrible. I finally made up my mind; I was totally giving the bracelet to the cashier to give to the lady. Getting in line to pay for my stuff, I finally made up my mind; I was totally stealing the bracelet. One meaningless conversation about halter style bras later with another customer and my mind was made up I was turning the bracelet over. The bad angel kept poking me with his damn pitchfork telling me that the cashier would steal it, that the lady would never get it back, that she forgot it and she didn’t deserve to have it! Finally, one swipe of my credit card later, I was done, I had my purchases, the bracelet, and a decision to make. It was a gorgeous bracelet, and it would have been a wonderful addition to my accessories collection, but sadly it wasn’t mine and it deserved to go back to it’s owner.

The bad angel put up a good fight, it kept telling me that maybe it wasn’t even the property of the lady I thought it belonged to, maybe it was the person who used the fitting room before her! But at the end of the day the good angel won out, was that even my concern? So what if the bracelet didn’t belong to the lady who I thought it belonged to, let my conscience be clear knowing I did the best to return it to it’s owner (probably Visa). Wandering through the piles of bright colored bras, and underwear silkscreened with double entendres I found the lady, and said goodbye to “my bracelet” of 20 minutes. Tapping her on the shoulder I asked, “excuse me did you lose a bracelet?” The look of horror and frantic pat down of her arms seemed pretty real, handing over the bracelet the lady started to hug me and kept exclaiming “Where did I lose it, did it slip off?!” I barely said “fitting room” when she responded “Oh my gosh I left it in the fitting room, that is really nice of you! That is actually REALLY nice of you!” With a quick you’re welcome I walked out of the store as braceletless as I was when I walked in.

I really would have liked to keep the bracelet, and doing the “right thing” sucked in terms of my accessory drawer. But it was also really nice to make a random stranger happy that they got back something they didn’t even know they lost in the first place.

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A Ramble on Makeup, MAC, Laura Mercier, & Sephora

I love shopping, but hate shopping for anything in particular. Shopping for something in particular is worthy of the 9th ring of hell in my opinion, the pressure to find the right thing at the right price at the right time is more than I can bear. Shopping in a pressured situation like this takes the la de da fun out of shopping, so I avoid it at all costs. Of course there are times when you are just forced into shopping for a particular something, and in those moments I find myself wondering “whatever happened to customer service?” Bad customer service is a constant pet peeve of mine. I WILL write to the company if I get bad service, but I also write when I get great customer service, yes, I have issues…;)

The funny thing is I never knew there was a difference in levels of customer service until I traveled to the third world. Yeah, yeah I know it isn’t PC to call the third world the third world, but the third world is a different world…not a Cosby Show spin-off. In the third world when you visit with tourist dollars that might seem like nothing to you, all of a sudden you are treated like a rock star. Shopping means sales assistants fawning over you, store owners and managers running to get you bottled water, and stores extending their hours to make sure you don’t feel rushed in your decision to buy a traditional outfit which you will never wear once you get home. I don’t envy celebrities much, but I sure envy that! By comparison shopping in a cookie cutter mall in Southern California that is slowly being overtaken by cheapo stripper shoe stores and Footlocker type knock-off stores, you don’t feel like a rock star at all, you find yourself asking again and again “whatever happened to customer service?!” This was exactly what I felt when I was again in search of the perfect concealer when the new one I purchased a few days earlier broke.

Starting at Nordstrom, the supposed bastion of good customer service before you leave the stores us mere mortals can afford, I knew what I wanted and I was going to get the right color matched to my skin and get out of there. Walking up to the Laura Mercier, which I hereby dub the Laura Bitchier counter, I told the associate which concealer I wanted and asked for a color match. This elicited a rundown of the concealer and an explanation that it wasn’t made for under the eyes even though the company website said it was great “for getting rid of dark circles”. Insisting I wanted the product the sales associate soon shucked me off to another associate so she could go help someone else. I was starting to lose it, the little imaginary thermometer over my head was heating up fast, I just got ditched and had to explain everything again to another associate and listen to her explanation of why this concealer wasn’t right for under my eyes. Finally, after again insisting I wanted to get color matched she started trying something on under my eyes the whole while saying despite what I read on the website or was told by a representative of the company on the phone this concealer was not meant for under the eyes. A couple of mind numbing minutes later I was handed the mirror, and was shocked. Why would any sighted person have applied makeup to someone’s under eyes like this?! I mean really?! The first color she tried on me was so light it was almost blinding, the second color was so awkwardly pink completely ignoring the yellow undertones in my skin, I really had to wonder if she was color blind. Clearly she hadn’t been parted of the sighted world for long. Saying thank you after wiping off the horrendous clown makeup I took the associates advice and headed over to MAC.

Foregoing the MAC area of Nordstrom is usually part of my silent non-violent protest against MAC’s attempts to be more than they are. They are a makeup brand, nothing more, nothing less. Yet they routinely have some of the bitchiest men and women employed to work that counter. The air of superiority with which their associates swan around their counter combined with the annoyingly loud music makes them seem like the are trying so hard to be cool, they have somehow overshot the mark in a big way.  Back in the old days wealthy patrons would support artists and put up with their crap so they could in someway be part of the history this artist was creating. Well the wealthy patrons of the MAC makeup artists is Estee Lauder, and their patroness is pimping out her artists, making them work their corner and hawk her products. So why MAC makeup artists act like they are doing you a favor when you need help finding a product I have no clue. But after having my concealer done by a guy with perfect makeup I again found myself wondering if he too had just joined the sighted world, and if his patroness would be mad that he just botched a sale. When I expressed my doubt over the splotchy mismatched concealer and asked if he thought it was a good match he said “yes, let me know if you need any more help” before walking off. Now you, gentle reader, know that is some CRAP. Here I am asking if this horrible effort he made on behalf of my under eye circles was correct and his stuck up self just walked away, WHAT IN THE WORLD?! I was getting really irritated, and before I did something stupid, ala Aldo Shoes screaming match with a sales associate I was walking off I needed to cool down, I just shouldn’t have tried to do it in another makeup store.

Heading to MAC, the store, it was more of the same. Wait around to be helped and then when you finally get some help, the information is so bad, so inaccurate you almost wonder if they are for real. According to the MAC store associate what seems like a variety of different concealers perched on their display was simply one single type of concealer with different delivery methods…WTF?! So essentially what this makeup artists was telling me was that MAC/Estee Lauder in their infinite wisdom and wish to waste money packaged the same concealer in different pots, pencils, tubes, etc. just for the fun of wasting money?! Aside from the disbelief over this obviously wrong information, my under eyes were aching. They literally hurt for all the “stippling” and “smoothing” and “tapping on” of product. Worse I found myself wanting to salute those sneaky bastards at the makeup companies. Not only have they created products that cost $22 for a quarter of an ounce, they have now split the concealer category into eye and face. Not one of the people I asked from the time I stepped into Nordstrom to that moment in MAC agreed or even understood my request for a single product for my under eyes and face. Every single time I requested an eye and face concealer in one I was met with blank looks and explanations about color canceling, etc. etc. I never remember hearing this eye/face concealer distinction until just recently…sneaky, sneaky!

Under eyes weary, I left the MAC store without a product in hand and went to Sephora. Hopefully the color I needed for the next day was in stock even though I had called earlier and knew that wasn’t the case. Walking into the store I was immediately asked if I needed help! It was amazing things were going my way, finally! Taking me over to the the CoverFX display after I told her my concealer was out of stock from Makeup Forever, Sephora is Makeup Forever’s pimp, the associate moved towards me with the concealer, and I could hear my under eye skin screaming “OH THE HUMANITY”…lol. Well, maybe it wasn’t that dramatic, I just asked her if I could apply the concealer instead of her because my eyes were getting irritated from all the trying on, but I wasn’t to worry she was going to try the concealer on my neck. I thought this was a good idea so try she did, and a fail it was, I could see a patch of concealer on my neck, it was darker than my skin tone, how was I supposed to cover dark circles with a concealer darker than my skin?! This definitely wasn’t going to work. Expressing my doubt again, the sales associate said “concealer doesn’t always have to be lighter than your skin.” What?! How the hell am I going to conceal dark circles with concealer darker than the circles?! What in hell?! I had walked into Sephora and apparently stepped into an alternate reality, I was in opposite world. With excuses of just wanting to browse some more I separated from the sales associate and left the store no concealer in hand.

Leaving the mall I reflected on all my bad makeup advice and makeup trying on experience of late and tried to come up with a reason for it. There had to be a reason. Maybe I was giving off a bitch vibe, that definitely could be it, but I wasn’t in a bad mood at the first counter I was at and still got shoddy service. It could be that I was only looking for one product not a regimen, but they never really tried to sell me anything more or asked me if I wanted anything more, so how would they know?  Then finally it came to me, I wasn’t wearing any makeup. I walked up to these makeup counters in nothing but my good old trusty Oil of Olay moisturizer. My hair was pulled back into a not cute ponytail and I looked comfortable in my jeans and washed too many times hoodie. There were times I had received great customer service from MAC and as I reflected back on those moments it was when I walked up to the counter with makeup on. For some strange reason I really think that I got worse customer service at the makeup stores and counters when I didn’t have makeup on.  Instead of taking one look at my face that was was clearly devoid of products and seeing a huge commission on sales, they thought it wasn’t worth their time to try to convince me to buy what they were selling. It made me think back to an article I read about gender differences in the workplace and how women who didn’t wear makeup were perceived as not caring and that they weren’t as “good” at what they did as their female colleagues that wore makeup. Adding insult to injury they were also paid less. I only wish the article talked about men who wore makeup, now that would have been an interesting article.

Sometime soon I am going to have to get all dolled up and go back to those same stores and the same makeup counters and see if I can get help from the same people. I bet you a MAC eye shadow that I suddenly get treated much better, not as well as you get treated when shopping in the third world, but definitely better!

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From Sephora to Nordstrom and Back Again

A couple of months ago I ran out of concealer and I realized my foundation made my skin look like an oil slick. Since I came to my realization the foundation has been a permanent resident of makeup drawer waiting for its notice to vacate to the trashcan once it was replaced. Unfortunately the replacement process has been slow and steady, a complete novelty for me in the makeup buying process. Usually I am the first person to read about a new product or be convinced by the person at the makeup counter that this amazing product from the company they work for is totally the product “I HAVE TO HAVE”. Well this year, after last year’s Smashbox’s tinted moisturizer debacle, I refused to end up with yet another product that never got used. Time and experience had taught me to be cautious in my “complexion” makeup purchases, no more buying products I don’t use, AKA making donation to corporate giants. Heading to the makeup Mecca, Sephora, I started the process armed with recommendations from “experts”, actual users, and my pocketbook.

First of all walk into a Sephora store with a face devoid of any product except moisturizer and you might as well have the word “patsy” written on your head in Urban Decay eyeliner. The sales associates take one look at you and think you are going to listen to every wild suggestion they might have for a new “makeup routine”. All the talk of primers, color correctors, concealers, eye shadow bases, setting powders, pigmented powders, mineral powder, cream shadows, etc. etc. forever and ever, will make anyone’s head spin. But this time I wasn’t going to be swayed I wasn’t walking out of the damn beauty store which might either be a girlie heaven or hell with something I didn’t go in there intending to buy. I was buying tinted moisturizer, concealer, and color corrector for my panda eyes, period.

Of course, my resolve was soon tested. It is practically impossible to go in that store and not act like a kid in a candy store!!! All of a sudden my eyes got bright and shiny when I looked at all the pretty colored eye shadows and eyeliners and nail polishes…I wanted EVERYTHING! My head was swimming! I started trying out blue eye shadows, then greens, but I forced myself back on track, I was going to spend at least $100 on the other stuff on my list, I couldn’t add more unnecessary eye shadow to my collection. So then, focusing on the goal I did the unthinkable…I asked one of the “Product Consultants” for help. I have a theory about advice from makeup stores and makeup counters, its kind of something we forget when we are listening to all these makeup “experts”…trust your own judgment…after all it’s going to be on your face. So when the Sephora Product Consultant recommended the Makeup Forever (MUFE) #4 concealer palette with five different concealer shades that can be blended to create the perfect shade…I dismissed her recommendation immediately and stopped listening to her advice shortly thereafter.

I am sure she had great stuff to say and good advice on something, but when you recommend I buy a $36 concealer palette in which the lightest color is more than a couple shades darker than my skin tone, we are not on the same wavelength or maybe you are just clueless, either way I channeled my inner Cher and gave her a mental “AS IF”! Seeing my disinterest I was soon passed off to the Stila guy who was there shilling for his brand. He had his hair done up, looking very 50’s, very Grease with a 21st century spin, and I thought, oh yeah, this dude is gonna give me some great product advice etc. Ten minutes and a lot of blinking later due to his attempts to apply concealer way too close to my lash line instead of just having me do it myself when he saw me tearing up, I was horrified. One eye was done in concealer and I looked like a tired panda, and the other eye that was done in some sort of base looked like a panda that didn’t know their colors yet. I was definitely NOT falling for the Stila makeup. Realizing he wasn’t going to make a sale for Stila he passed me off to the lady who was there shilling for Cover FX.

Let me start this out by, I hate to be mean…but…I didn’t want the Cover FX lady making any sort of recommendations for anything. When I walk up to a makeup counter, I want the person with the best looking makeup to ask me if I need help. Not the person whose makeup is just a total and utter tragedy. In the makeup-selling world, I really think it is all about the look of the makeup that counts! Seeing absolutely no tactful way to get out of it, and hoping maybe she did other’s makeup better than her own I let her get started. She first picked out the darkest concealer color she could find, and soon realized there was no way that was going to work. Another trial and error session later she finally landed on the best color when she tried the third tube. Taking a look at her work a couple minutes later colorblind panda and tired panda were definitely gone…I now looked like dry flaky, gross under eye skin panda. My eyes were looking bloodshot from all the irritation of people apply concealer under my eyes, and I was getting really frustrated with this whole process.

Instead of standing around and getting more frustrated I walked to the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordstrom. I have heard great things about Bobbi Brown concealers in the past, so I was definitely going to see if the sales people at the counter could do better than Sephora. As I walked up to the counter, there was a girl with impeccable makeup, yay!!! There was also an assortment of concealers covering every surface of the counter, double yay!!! Five minutes later, double boo. Some other sales associate, not the one with the impeccable makeup, but someone with questionable makeup, had applied color corrector under my eyes and by applied I mean there were literally chunks of color corrector glopped under my eyes and then there were chunks of concealer glopped around the color corrector. With a satisfied look, and a lot of self congratulating the sales associate told me the prices, making some quick excuse about wanting to walk around the mall for a bit and seeing how the concealer looked after I had it on for awhile I hightailed it out of there swearing never to go back as long as she worked at the counter.

My hightailing meant that I retraced my route back to Sephora. Back in the store, the pretty colors and shiny objects all around the store did not completely not enthrall me as they had before, no, I was on a mission and I was going to complete it. Plus I was getting hungry, I was tired of walking around, and I have to be in a wedding in two months and Mrs. Fields was looking better and better every single time I walked by it! Twenty minutes, lots of indecision, and lots of consulting my own council later I had a color corrector, concealer, tinted moisturizer, and no mas! Now after a weekend of wear and very close inspection I can officially recommend the following three products:

– Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer; it feels great and light on your skin.
– Makeup Forever HD Concealer, spendy, but it does conceal!
– Makeup Forever lipstick #40 used as an under eye color corrector, weird, never would have thought of it on my own, but strangely it works! (Thank you for the recommendation Sephora Rancho Cucamonga Product Consultant…you were awesome!)

So yes my process of research, trying, waiting, researching some more, and not going with the first thing someone said looked “good” on me was frustrating and in the end was expensive. But I have learned the hard way the most expensive makeup is the stuff you buy and never use.

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Just Say No To Solicitors…?!

Someone needs to explain to me the whole “No Soliciting Rule”, because it seems like every store I go into has at least one solicitor out front with an American flag, a card table, a poster board sign asking for donations to one worthy charity or another. The head scratcher here isn’t that there are solicitors, but that there are solicitors on private property, standing next to signs that read something along the lines of “Target/Wal*Mart/Stater Bros./Vons/Albertson’s does not support solicitors and we do our best to provide you with distraction free shopping”. So at this point I am really confused, if these stores are really committed to providing me with a distraction free shopping experience, and obviously the stores are built on private property…why are there ALWAYS solicitors outside these stores?! I would really like to have a distraction free shopping experience…or at least a distraction free store entry and store exit experience. But the distraction free experience isn’t even the biggest part of my concern, the bigger concern for me, and what I think should be the bigger concern for stores is that my shopping experience in these stores, thanks to Solicitors, is rarely guilt free anymore.

Today as I exited Vons after picking up my delicious “build your own” sandwich I just knew the friendly solicitor who saw me walk in and said a bright “hello” was going to hit me up for a donation on my way out of the store. Five minutes later, sandwich in hand, I prepared for the “would you care to donate to …” (I later learned he was collecting for community anti-drug programs for teens), but I was surprised, this guy changed it up. His spiel was “can you help save a life?” Okay, now, I understand why he asked that question, because who wants to be the bitch who responds to the “can you help save a life” question with “nope, can’t help ya out on that one buddy” after they just bought an overpriced sandwich?! No one…no one wants to say no to that! But at the same time, I don’t think anyone wants to be asked, “can you help save a life?”, “Can you help our basketball team go to a meet”, “can you help our homeless shelter”, “can you help keep kids off drugs”, “can you help keep teens out of gangs”, “can you help keep Girl Scouts raise money, buy cookies”, “can you help defeat measure 9xx”, “can you help…” every time they walk in and out of a store. But just saying “no I can’t help save puppies being put to death in local underfunded animal shelters” doesn’t mean it’s the end of the guilt trip…like any good infomercial…WAIT THERE’S MORE.

After successfully dodging the initial plea for support there is the catch all phrase that drums home the selfishness of your refusal, three little words, to tighten the guilt screw “God Bless You!” I don’t know what it says about me that this “God Bless You!” is the final straw…in some ways it’s almost like that friend that always draws God into an argument as the argument ender. God is the “big” gun in any argument, the God argument is the nuclear arsenal, and there is no arguing with it. I mean good luck walking away from a request to donate when you have just said “no, I don’t want to help protect unwed mothers from abusive partners” and this person calls after you as you scurry away hoping to make it out of earshot with your fancy three-ply tissue boxes or Charmin Ultra before you have to hear, “God Bless You”…this all just starts to make you feel like a real heel.

Of course it is good to give, and I am not saying that I give or don’t give every single time I am asked, but where is the line drawn at solicitation? Sometimes after a long day or when you are running in and out of a store at lunch I really, really wish corporate America would man up on something other than cutting prices and maybe if not get rid of the solicitors completely corral them in certain areas or get them to be around less, or prevent them from wandering the dark parking lots asking you if you want to buy discount cards for local eateries scaring the hell out of you at 8:00 in the evening. All of this and more is the reason why the UPS guy dropped off a 48 pack of Charmin on my doorstep the other day.

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Coach, eBay, & The Listing I’ll Post One Fine Day

You know how some people have cleaning projects, or hobby projects, home improvement projects; well in that same way I have shopping projects. On my list of shopping projects is to find a particularly delightful Coach purse that was sold in 2006. It is a beautiful white leather tote with a red suede poppy flower stitched on it. I was obsessed with that purse when it first came out, and I still obsessed with it 5 years later. Unfortunately Coach is not Hermes, other than some moldy oldies, they don’t have the same venerable collection of bags year after year. Instead I am left to scrounge through eBay in the hopes that I will find the purse in brand new condition at a price I am willing to pay. So far, the pickings have been slim to say the least! But, I have learned a lot about the world of eBay and that weird subculture of Coach on eBay. If I were to write an eBay listing for a Coach item and I didn’t care about the outcome of the auction, my listing would go something like the translation portions below:

Beautiful Rare 100% Authentic COACH Legacy Gigi 11131 Whiskey EUC
(Translation: I hope I have used enough eye-catching adjectives and eBay Coach lingo to catch your attention. This purse is as rare as a mass produced purse made in China could be!)

You are bidding on a beautiful Coach Gigi handbag from the Coach Legacy Collection!
(Translation: I hope the ! induces you to bid.)

I fell in love with this purse when I first saw it as part of Coach’s 65th Anniversary, and I had to have it, but soon realized it was a bit too big for me! I only used the purse four or five times, so it is in EXCELLENT condition with no signs of wear to the leather or lining.
(Translation: I got really great use out of this bag, and I am one of those people who doesn’t set their purse down on the floors of gross public washrooms and stuff like that, and I am really persnickety about how my stuff is kept, so I can get away with saying it was used for less than one week! Also “excellent” is subjective, excellent to me for a 5 year old bag may not sync with your idea of “excellent” but that is the beauty of subjectivity.)

This purse was not a style that was made for the factory store; it was sold at the Coach retail store and cost well over $500+ tax. The purse has been stored in a dust bag in a temperature-controlled closet.
(Translation: I might very well have purchased this bag from the Coach Factory Store, but it was not made for the Coach Factory store, do you see the difference? Also, if I had bought it at the Coach retail store when it was full price, I would have easily paid over $500, but in reality I didn’t spend nearly that much money on the purse.
This purse was stored in my closet, in my house. I have air conditioning and heat in my house, and my closet is in my house, so it logically follows that this purse, which was stored in a dust bag in my closet, which is in a temperature controlled house, was stored in “temperature controlled closet”.)

This is the same purse that was carried by Anne Hathaway in the movie Bride Wars!
(Translation: I hope you somehow think you will look like Anne Hathaway if you buy and carry this purse!)

The lining of the purse is the beautiful Coach Stripe, with one zippered pocket and two multifunction open pockets, a d-ring for keys, with dog leash closure.
(Translation: The purse is lined, yay, whoopee, great, who cares. There are three pockets and one d-ring in the purse to help you organize your stuff, chances are you will never use any of these “helpful” pockets, and you will still spend 5 minutes searching for keys and a cell phone that you can hear, but you can’t see under the detritus of old receipts half-empty packs of chewing gum, a wallet the size of a mini-pig, and twelve different shades of lip gloss.)

The dimensions of the purse are approximately 16” x 14” x 3.5”. Please see the pictures below, there are no signs of wear on the purse and the COACH hangtags and pendant are attached.
(Translation: I have included more than 10 pictures of one purse, because I know that someone is going to ask me for a picture of the purse on a pumpkin or something equally weird, so I am doing my best to nip that one in the bud.)

The purse comes from a smoke free, pet free, clean home.
(Translation: I am not stupid enough to post a picture of the purse with my hideous cat like other people do, and I would never admit my house wasn’t clean)

This purse is used; if you are looking for a purse in new condition please do not bid.
(Translation: FYI, EUC stands for excellent used condition. Also in case you missed it the other three times it was mentioned, this purse is not in new condition it has been used, please don’t send me a question asking “is this purse new” or be surprised if you win the auction and a used purse shows up on your doorstep.)

I do not represent Coach in anyway.
(Translation: I think you are an idiot if you believe that I work for Coach or that I am their representative on eBay. I sincerely hope that a multinational company like Coach has a better business plan than eBay auctions for getting rid of stuff that has been sitting around in their closets. Anyway, I don’t really know why this disclaimer is necessary but I have seen other people use it in their listings, so I thought I would add it to mine as well.)

Paypal only, payment is expected within 24 hours of the end of the auction, shipping within the U.S. is $15.95 I only ship USPS Priority Mail, and I will not ship internationally.
(Translation: Seriously, I am not willing to got to the Post Office and wait in line at the post office, and I have a large flat rate Priority Mail shipping box sitting here at home and free carrier pick-up, so you only get one shipping choice, take it or leave it.)

So, there it is…my fantasy eBay listing. If any of you see a listing on eBay that is totally sarcastic, it’s mine…BID…BID!!!!

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