Archive for category Thanksgiving

What are you thankful for this year?

The Holidays are almost upon us, or if you are a retailer, the Holidays, that special time of the year that makes or breaks you financially is half over. Either way we are about to get hit with a barrage of sentimentality driven marketing in order to get us to part with holiday dollars, and also prepare yourself to spend 20 minutes at checkout in Target because some needs a price check. I love the Holidays, I really do. I just wish that the creep of the Holidays into my birthday celebrations at the beginning of November would stop. I think half of what makes the Holidays special is the fact that they aren’t here for so long. The other half of what makes the Holidays special is the pretending.

During the Holidays we seem more okay with the effort involved in pretending. We don’t mind pretending we are okay with the tacky decorations our neighbor put up, we are okay with pretending we are more patient with the overworked cashier at the store than we really are, or that we are okay with the traffic jam caused because the mall exit is so flooded the cars the entire slow lane is blocked for 1 mile. The pretending is part of the specialness of the Holidays, so what I hate, what I really FUCKING hate is when I end up stuck at these big friends and extended family gatherings where you have to answer the infernal question of “What are you thankful for this year?!” Can’t we just pretend we are all thankful for something?!

OMG. I know it makes me seem like a bitch, that I don’t like that question, but I HATE IT. It is an intrusive question! Not that I am not thankful for things, I am thankful for a lot of things. I really just don’t like sharing my thoughts on stuff that is personal to me. If I wanted to over share my feelings and emotions, and yes, I consider that over sharing, I would post it on Facebook like most over sharers do. My “what I am so thankful for” would be sitting there right in between someone’s overly detailed update of how the are progressing through labor/delivery and another’s Technicolor description of how drunk they were and what the evidence of the drunkenness looked like. When asked that question while sitting around a table there is this feeling of my throat closing, and then panic sets in, and finally random trivia squeezes out every coherent thought in my head. Worst of the worst is no matter how much you have rehearsed your answer there is inevitably someone in the group that spent their vacation time feeding kids in an orphanage in a developing nation. I don’t have anything to say that is even close to that. Somehow the non-personal answer of “I am really glad Nordy’s had those boots in my size for 50% off” would just make people stare at me longer with a look of “no really, what are you really thankful for?” So sometimes, I just end up lying. Yeah I said it, I LIE during the “what are you thankful for” portion of the Holiday activities!

As I was pre-planning my answer to that question last week, I came up with my dream answer, now if only I could man up and say it, I would be golden! My answer combines my love of quoting TV/movies with my love of randomness. When asked “…and what are you thankful for this year?” I will yell, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!” before storming off.

Question answered, problem solved!


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Deep Thoughts of Turkey Deep Frying Oil

The countdown has begun to that marathon of cooking, Thanksgiving! YAY! I love Thanksgiving as long as no one asks me “so what are you thankful for this year?!” I really hate when people ask that question. I don’t know why it just bugs me! But my issues aside, this is the time of the year that Turkey Deep Fryers show up in the stores, and where there are Turkey Deep Fryers there is Turkey Deep Frying Oil! Yup, it comes in a big box (see picture below) and has a picture of dead golden turkey on it! What makes the Turkey Deep Frying Oil better is the great health and cooking info they give you on the box:

“Great for deep frying turkey, fish, vegetables and more!”
“No Cholesterol – A Natural Source of Vitamin E”
“Zero Grams Trans Fat Per Serving”
“Can Be Re-Used”

Muy Excellente!  Just when you thought eating a deep fried turkey might not be healthy, you find out that the oil it marinates in is a great natural source of Vitamin E! LOVES IT!

Reading all this helpful Turkey Deep Frying info leads me to wonder, what would happen if in some imaginary world there is “trash talking” and “hazing” amongst different cooking oils?!  In my head the trash talking goes something like this:

EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil): EVOO is the cool kid in school, probably the quarterback of the football team who is also super smart, and rich.  Basically EVOO is the Jake Ryan of his school!

Turkey Deep Frying Oil: Is the smelly kid in school who wears really weird clothes, and was voted most likely to have a armed standoff ending with the FBI surrounding his “compound” (fancy word for tool shed) somewhere in the wilds of Idaho.

Sadly, Turkey Deep Frying Oil is just trying to get through school without too many people even noticing him, he is hoping his “duck and cover” will get him through school.  But EVOO is totally being an ass and making fun of Turkey Deep Frying Oil!  EVOO is like “dude, you are so pathetic, you are like the Franzia of cooking oils! I called my cousin, a French Bordeaux, and he told me all about you trashy cardboard types” all said in a snotty Italian accent. EVOO probably goes onto say “I am so cool, everyone loves me and wants me, I am like a fine wine aged for fifty years, and you are Franzia’s cousin! Even your PACKAGING is the same…ewww…how embarrassing! Who would want to be packed in a cardboard box when you could come in a glass bottle?” In response I am sure the Turkey Deep Frying Oil runs off and cries in a corner, cause who can argue with the popular kid, EVOO?!

Franzia's Cousin, Also From the Wrong Side of the Tracks

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